i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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