yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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