Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
