That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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