Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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