I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Say something about gay babies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
