remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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