I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
