Heybabeimwearingurpanties
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
