i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have demons in me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
