It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
