I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
