i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
