Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
