Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
