You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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