dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
