It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
