Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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