yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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