For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
