I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
