TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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