I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
