my shit smells like andre
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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