I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
