Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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