If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
