You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its not stalking. its research.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
