I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
