You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
