I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
