I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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