Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
