as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
