Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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