may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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