My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
