Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
