i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
