im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
