there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
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