Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
