4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
