why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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