The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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