pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
