I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
