Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
