Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
