Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
