You're my little dorito
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
