Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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