He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
