I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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