so explain again why im purple
no
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
