Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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